


Hush, Little Baby

by itsaspnthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Comforting Sam Winchester, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, damaged reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsaspnthing/pseuds/itsaspnthing
Summary: After a hunt with Sam and Dean, the reader finds herself dealing with the physical and mental traumas that come along with the lifestyle. She is not alone though.





	Hush, Little Baby

Y/N stepped out of the shower. She always took showers so hot that the steam would permeate the entire bunker bathroom. Once she wrapped a towel around her body and tied it at her chest, she opened the medicine cabinet that was cubbied behind the mirror. The pill bottle was in plain sight next to her toothbrush and toothpaste. Rather than reaching for the pain killers that she so desperately needed, she closed the medicine cabinet and wiped the mirror to clear a small patch. 

Once she spit out the last of the toothpaste, she filled the cup that was on the sink and filled it half-way with water from the tap. She rinsed her mouth and spit once more. Bending down to spit the water out made Y/N’s back spasm. “God, it’s bad today.” She said to herself. 

Resting both hands on the sink, she looked at herself in the mirror. She was sickly and she knew it. Her weight was unhealthy, and the dark circles under her eyes blackened further every day. She knew something needed to change. A single tear fell from her right eye and trickled down her cheek. She couldn’t stand to look at herself anymore. She looked back down. 

Her back pain wasn’t getting better. 

If it wasn’t for that one day. One hunt that changed Y/N’s life. 

_Dad?_

__

__

Y/N that’s not your dad! Kill the son of a bitch! 

_Last thing you remember was being flung against the wall._

She shook her head and wiped the tear away. “Pull it together, Y/N.” She mumbled to herself, while opening the medicine cabinet back up. When she set her toothbrush back on the shelf, she saw the pill bottle once more. She closed her eyes to think. Just one. That’s all. 

She reached for the bottle that was labeled in her name. Hydrocodone. Y/N popped the cap of and tilted the bottle over her left palm and a few pills came out. She grabbed one and put the rest back in the orange tube. As she put the white pill on her tongue, there came a knock on the door. “Y/N?” Crap. It was Sam. He probably needed to get in the shower. 

She grabbed the cup that still had a sip or two of water left and opened the door. Sam was standing in the doorway, looking at her with concern. Sam has never seen Y/N with no makeup on. And most of the time she was wearing loose fitting clothing. He was shocked. She looked so unhealthy. 

Y/N looked at Sam with a what-are-you-looking-at stare and took the last swig out of the cup and swallowed the pill. No words were exchanged between the two of them. She just walked past him and down the hallway to her room. Sam watched her walk to her room and didn’t enter the bathroom until she closed the door behind her. 

Sam walked into the kitchen to talk to Dean. He knew he would find him there. “Found this on the bathroom sink.” Sam tossed the bottle of pills to Dean. Dean caught the bottle with one hand and made eye contact with Sam before looking down to read the label. “It must be worse than we thought.” Sam leaned on the table, resting his elbows on it and cradled his forehead with his hands. “This is all my fault.” 

“Don’t go there, Sammy.” Dean’s voice was gritty and serious. “Y/N wanted to go on that hunt with us. She knew it was dangerous.” Sam raised his eyebrows and nodded his head before looking down at the floor. He didn’t know what to say. He knew that Dean was right, but he still felt that he was partly to blame. 

“It could’ve happened to anyone, Sam.” He walked over to the other side and stood next to Sam, leaning his back against the table and crossing his ankles. 

“That’s not all, Dean.” He turned around so his back was also against the table and crossed his arms across his chest. “Have you ever, um…” Sam couldn’t put an appropriate way, so he just said what he was thinking. “Have you ever seen Y/N… naked? Or in like a skimpy tank top or anything like that?”

Dean looked at his brother with a sly smirk on his face. “Sammy!” He chuckled. “Did you sleep with Y/N?!” 

Sam rolled his eyes. “No dean, I knocked on the door to see if she was almost done, and she opened the door while she was still in a towel and, dude,” Sam paused. “She looks seriously underweight. Like skin and bones. Which would explain why she’s always wearing loose clothes.” 

Dean nodded his head and raised his eyebrows. “That makes sense.” He took a sip of his water. “Well, what?” He asked. “You think you can help her?” 

“I don’t think I can, Dean.” Sam responded with a frown, his dimples sunk in. “But I can try.” Sam looked at his older brother and walked out of the kitchen. 

Dean didn’t say anything till Sam was out of the room. “Good talk, bro, good talk.” 

Y/N was sitting at the small vanity in her bedroom. She sat there with music playing quietly on her phone as she stared at herself, nitpicking every small imperfection. Her face was blotchy from picking at the most minuscule blackheads. Skin irritated from plucking away any fine baby hairs on her face that no one would ever notice. 

She applied a copious amount of moisturizer to her face. Her hair was still in a sloppy top knot when she heard a knocking at her door. “Yeah?” She said timidly. 

“It’s Sam,” he said from the other end of the door, his voice sounded secretive and nervous, “can I come in?” 

Luckily Y/N’s door was looked because before she even replied yes or no, Sam was tugging at the door knob. 

“Can I get like ten more minutes?” She shouted from the vanity, still looking at herself in the mirror. “I just need to fix my hair”

“Y/N.” Sam said sternly from the hallway. “Just let me in please, it’s important.” 

“Sam.” She matched his tone and sternness. “It can wait.” She went back to applying the rest of her makeup. There had been no more protests from the younger Winchester outside her door. 

Y/N decided to leave her hair up, but fixed it slightly. Letting small pieces in the front hang down to give the perfect messy bun. She sat up from her vanity and started towards her dresser. She was in the same robe that she always wore when getting ready for the day. 

She changed into leggings and her favorite hoodie that she bought years ago from Abercrombie and Fitch. That’s who she was back then. She wouldn’t be caught dead in that store now. 

She did one final check in the mirror, making sure all imperfections were masked. When she opened her bedroom door, she saw Sam sitting with his back against the wall, his legs stretched the wall on the opposite side. He looked up at her with a concerned expression. He almost seemed angry. 

“We need to talk.” He said, standing up from the floor with grace. 

“About what Sam?” She was annoyed. Who the hell did he think he was? “What do we possibly need to talk about?”

He grabbed Y/N gently by her shoulders and pushed her back in her room. Her protests falling on deaf ears as he sat down on her unmade bed. 

Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out the orange bottle that Y/N failed to remember to put back into the medicine cabinet. He looked at them, and back up to meet her eyes. “What is going on with you lately?” He asked, his eyebrows raised and she could see the concern in his face. 

“Sam,” she started to explain, “ever since we went on that hunt, the one where the shapeshifter tricked me into thinking he was my dad…” She trailed off, looking down at her hands to try and find the right words to say. 

“I got really hurt on that hunt, Sam.” She walked towards the edge of the bed where he was sitting. She stopped until she was directly in front of him. “Mentally and physically.” She shed a tear and Sam looked up at her and wiped the tear away.

“Y/N.” 

“Let me finish.” She cut him off before he could even say anything. “The nightmares I have are enough to make anyone go crazy. I can’t eat, which is why I look like this.” She pulled her shirt up to expose her bare stomach and ribs. Her body was emaciated. “I barely sleep.” She brought her right hand to her face to hide her sunken in eyes. “And when I do I see him.” 

She sat down next to Sam. “The physical pain is easy to deal with, Sam.” She grabbed the pills out of his hand. 

Sam began to cry. He felt guilty. He was the one who talked his older brother into letting her learn how to hunt. “Y/N.” Sam didn’t know what to say. He just turned his body so he was facing her. When he finally looked at her, he saw a mess. She was sobbing. Her elbows rested on her legs that were crossed, and her head cradled in her hands. Sam saw her back twitching as she weeped. 

He stood up and faced her so he could pick her up. Sam wrapped her arms around her back and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her face in his neck to cry. 

He shushed her quietly and he rested his hand on her head. Sam was stunned. He didn’t know what to do. 

“Y/N.” Sam whispered. “It’s going to be okay.” He closed his eyes tightly. Thinking of ways to make her better. 

He sat back down on the bed with her still in his arms. As he began to lay down, she let go of his grasp so they can both lay down together. 

Y/N pulled the comforter over her and Sam. She turned her body on to her side so she was facing him. “Thank you, Sam.” She said. He didn’t respond. He just draped his arm over her side and pulled her close. 

“All I want is for you to be safe, Y/N.” Sam said quietly. “And I will do whatever I have to do to keep you safe.” He looked down at her. “And healthy.” 

And finally, he kissed her. He kissed her hard. Y/N was surprised. This is what she has wanted all along. All this time she had longed for Sam to save her. And he was. He was saving her. 

The kiss lasted longer than both of them had expected.

Sam cupped her face with his large hands, and parted her lips with his.

As their tongues met each other, it was in that moment that Y/N had fallen in love with Sam. 

After a few moments, she broke the kiss and looked at Sam. She opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her. “Y/N,” he said, “it’s going to be okay.” 

She looked at him waiting for what he was going to say next. “I’m never going to let anyone, or anything hurt you again.” Sam said as he pulled her closer. “I love you too much to ever lose you.” She cried as he said that. And he wiped away the single tear. 

He hushed her. “You’re safe now, Y/N.” He kissed her again. “Everything is going to be okay, now.”


End file.
